Sturgeon's Law

13 Good Uses of the Word "Fuck" in Popular Culture

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Fri, 16 May 2008 21:48:00 +0000

(in no particular order)

1. "Go home and get your fucking shinebox!"--GoodFellas. This and the next entry are the two best volume users of "fuck" in moviedom.

2. "Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka..."--South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut. Even better because it's done musical-style.

3. "You cannot say FUCK in front of people!"--Eddie Murphy Raw. Only works because he's doing a Bill Cosby impression.

4. "You know, Frederic fucking Chopin."--Tombstone. Val Kilmer's Doc Holliday is one of the classic scenery-chewing performances ever.

5. "Fuck tha police comin' straight from the underground. / A young nigga got it bad 'cause I'm brown."--"Fuck tha Police," NWA.

6. "Fuck you I won't do what you tell me" (repeat a million times)--"Killing in the Name," Rage Against the Machine. Probably the ultimate song for disaffected 10th graders, which is what I was when I first heard it.

7. "Somebody'd written 'Fuck you' on the wall. It drove me damn near crazy."--The Catcher in the Rye, J. D. Salinger. Probably the first place a lot of kids encounter "fuck" in serious literature. Probably not the first place any of them actually encounter it overall.

8. "Non sunt in coeli, quia fuccant vvivys of heli."--Flen flyys. The first written instance of it in English, circa 1475.

9. "Fuck L. Ron Hubbard and fuck all his clones. Fuck all these gun-toting hip gangster wannabes."--"Aenema," Tool. They have a lot of songs that deploy it well.

10. "How did I die? In the motherfucking APOCALYPSE!"--Patton Oswalt. My favorite standup comedian working today. And I used a close variant of the answer for a poem.

11. "I want you to be the first person ever at a British memorial service to say 'fuck'!"--John Cleese of Monty Python at Graham Chapman's funeral, live on the BBC.

12. Chris Rock. No specific instance, I just like his cadence on "motherfucka" more than anyone else's.

13. "Chew your bootstrap steak, the carne asada still
carne asada, but changed so subtly it would escape
your notice if you didn’t eat it so fucking much."---"Open Late," by Meeeee. Okay, I realize I'm not pop OR culture.

Wanted

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Fri, 16 May 2008 01:08:00 +0000

(Another) Assistant Editor. Main duties involve reading/giving opinions on poetry submissions, spreading the word, soliciting good poets, and helping to balance the cynicism/crankiness of the Editor. Qualifications: must know poetry and the Editor. Apply by e-mail.

Query Works Out

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Wed, 14 May 2008 23:54:00 +0000

I sent an e-mail to Natural Bridge yesterday about my poems that had been out over six months, and I found out that they've accepted "Hayman Wildfire Set by Forest Service Worker." Well, cool, glad I asked. This is the first time I can ever recall a query going better than "We still have your poems."

Blank

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Wed, 14 May 2008 04:38:00 +0000

The last couple days have been happily wasted--no blogging and little poetry writing, plenty of catching up with Colorado Springs friends. Just so you know.

Form Rejection

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Mon, 12 May 2008 00:28:00 +0000

I came late to the party, but there was a ruckus because the Virginia Quarterly Review blog posted some sample negative notes by screeners on submissions (with all potentially identifying details of both reader and submission removed), then redacted them and apologized when some commenters decided it was inappropriate. I think it's unfortunate that VQR chose to remove the original reader notes--they weren't especially funny, but as a window into what a (relatively) big litmag's slushpile is like and how editors react, I think they were invaluable. Anti- doesn't get 1% of the submissions a place like VQR does, and it's almost impossible to find out how to submit without being one click away from the poetry on the site, so the submitters are probably on average more informed about the journal. Still, I understand the black humor at some of the bad submissions and submitters that come through.

One discussion I did find interesting (much of it on the Ploughshares blog) was about form rejections and why, if the readers had time to make those comments, they couldn't pass on some form of that critique to the writers. Editors keep saying that lack of time is the primary reason for form rejections without notes, and I see that point, but there are actually several reasons more important than time savings in my use of form rejections:

I'm quite aware that there's a lot of subjectivity in this, and I know many of the poems I reject will go on to happy homes soon enough. Just because I'm not in line with a writer's aesthetic doesn't mean I should tell him/her to change it.
There are unfortunately a lot of assholes and borderline personalities sending writing out and just waiting for an excuse to engage with editors who don't want it. Since some of them will take a simple e-mail rejection as a reason to write long letters or simple fuck-yous, I find not giving them any more reason to harass me is good for my sanity. Sadly, these people don't announce themselves 90% of the time (the other 10% are real doozies), so that means a lot of form rejections for decent non-nuts.
As a follow-up to that last point, the people who clamor loudest for "constructive criticism" are very often the people who react worst to it. Hell, I learned that before I was an editor.
It's not my job to rain on people's parades, so I'm not going to tell some perfectly nice middle-aged dabbler "Look, these pieces don't show any significant poetic potential or even knowledge of poetry," even when it's true. Everyone will be happier without honesty in that case, even if they don't realize it.
You know what? It's not my job to improve your writing. It's your job to improve your writing. If you want to pay me, then it'll be my job too. And this isn't a workshop. Not that I recommend workshops for a whole lot anyway.

When I send personalized rejections, you can be damn sure I saw something in the work and carefully considered publishing it. If you like my journal, you should always try again if you get a personalized rejection.

If I send you a form rejection, don't be too discouraged--I've had people send more work after form rejections and end up blowing me away and getting published. Also, most of the best places I've been published sent me form rejections for a while first as I worked my way up in ability and stature. But you should also know that the batch you sent was significantly off in terms of what I'm looking for, and for all the reasons above (plus time), it's not going to be worth it for either of us to pursue exactly why.

Nothing much

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Fri, 09 May 2008 18:37:00 +0000

It's a semi-slow Friday, and I was up early anyway because I had to take my car in to get a new passenger side mirror assembly installed, so here I am early too.

The eating resolution went peachily, except last night when I surprised my old Thursday night poetry workshop by showing up. One of the ladies offered me a piece of homemade fudge, and I couldn't really turn it down without being rude and fudgeless. I am extending the "no bad snacks/no desserts" thing to next Friday, but it doesn't apply if we go out to eat. I think that should do it nicely, but we'll see.
I'm eating at Albertaco's tonight. Mmmmm, local taco stand food.
I'm quite the bundle of minor ailments right now. I woke up sometime last night with a ringing in my left ear, which has yet to subside (the ringing, not the ear) (not that the ear has subsided, but that it's not something I would expect or want to subside). I can still hear okay, but it's annoying (the situation, not the ear) (also possibly this gimmick).
I hope my car gets back in time for me to go to the gym before the big after-work rush. I want to shoot some hoops in addition to my usual elliptical and crunch stuff. I think my shoulder may actually be getting a little better finally. Maybe.
I've already accomplished most of my big Colorado chore list. All I have left is to pick up my car, pick up my new glasses next week, and maybe get a tattoo or two. And there's still the list of restaurants I want to hit, but that's shrinking quickly.
Kind of funny how a down economy doesn't kill the resume business but does turn more of the clients into jerks.
Titles of the two poems in my stolen-title project that I'm working on right now: "Can I Not Get a Run?" and "House of Brown, Now Sit Down." If anyone who is not Shawn can name the source for the second title, you will get a nerd award. No cheating!

13 Poems by Weldon Kees

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Fri, 09 May 2008 04:40:00 +0000

Some time ago (over a month, yeesh), I posted my silly little project plan to make short anthologies of my favorite poems by individual poets, starting with Weldon Kees. So today I actually completed the Kees anthology. Here are the titles, and links where available:

For My Daughter
Robinson
Aspects of Robinson
Robinson at Home
Relating to Robinson
The Speakers
Farrago
The Base
1926
The Upstairs Room
The Smiles of the Bathers
The Beach in August
The Beach

A lot of the anthology pieces, but certainly not all of them ("Round" is a poem whose idea is much better than its execution, and I really don't get the appeal of "The Bell from Europe"), and some much less collected poems like "Farrago" and "The Base," a truly bitter 12-liner that I can't find anywhere online.

First Kees poem I ever read: "The Beach"
Strangeness: "The Beach," all over the place online, isn't in the Collected Poems edited by Justice.
Favorite poems: "For My Daughter," "1926," and both "Beach" poems.
Poems I could most easily remove for others: a couple Robinson poems (though I think they're better as a whole group, so maybe not), "Farrago," and "The Smiles of the Bathers."
Phrase I'm likely to steal for my new project: "The present stumbles home to bed" from "The Speakers"

Who's up next for my little project? I was thinking Philip Levine or James Wright, but those are somewhat rote choices. Any other suggestions?

End of the Draft

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Wed, 07 May 2008 21:35:00 +0000

Another (quasi-)rhymer, oddly, but not metrical. I stole the title from “Angelico's Crucifixion, Cell 42, Convent of San Marco” by Clare Rossini. At one point I was using the title "Burn Thee to the Bare Bane" from the Lyke-Wake Dirge, but this one worked better for me.

Bah

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Tue, 06 May 2008 02:53:00 +0000

So I've complained a couple times recently on here about how badly I've been eating. Of course, when I say "I need to eat better," what does that really mean, and I'm plowing through chocolate again the next day. Fortunately, I know how I roll--if I say something specific in a public way, I do it. So this week it's "No chips/crackers/fatty snacks and no desserts until Friday." And presto, I'll do it. I'll report on it on Friday too. I know you don't care, but it works for me. I also will do difficult things if you bet me a dollar I can't. Wheeeeee!

Happy news

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Mon, 05 May 2008 23:26:00 +0000

I've had two poems accepted by The American Poetry Journal.

Anti- Featured Poet

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Sun, 04 May 2008 07:07:00 +0000

This fortnight's featured poet at Anti- is C. Dale Young. You should go read his poems now, then tell everyone you know.

The Rest of the Story

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Fri, 02 May 2008 20:59:00 +0000

So what I hadn't mentioned on the blog for the last week is that I'm actually back in Colorado for a couple months. I didn't mention it because I wanted to surprise my friends Aaron and Jake at their Colorado College reading last night, and I know they stop by here from time to time. The surprise was a big success, as several of my best friends in town were there, and there were many happy reunions. Now there's only one person left to surprise here, and I don't think she reads the blog. If she does, well, K, let's hang out soon...

Reviewed

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Thu, 01 May 2008 22:41:00 +0000

Whee, a review for 90 Percent of Everything! It seems pretty accurate to me (it is a miscellany rather than something tied closely by theme or subject matter, it isn't my more personal or emotional work), but this is a contradiction:

"there did not seem to be a lot of schroeder in schroeder's poetry, but there was a ton of twitchy, insomniatic (?) intelligence."

That is the Schroeder in the poetry, my babies!

Thanks for the review, Brooklyn.

Drafteen

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 23:52:00 +0000

Imagine my surprise when I realized the poem demanded meter and rhyme. The title is stolen from Johnny Cash's "Thirteen."

Best of Poetry Online 1,000th Post

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 00:00:00 +0000

"Epistolary" by Jill Alexander Essbaum (42opus)
"Not Let Across the Hood Canal" by J. W. Marshall (FIELD)

I also went through and removed/replaced the dead links on the recommended reading page (the archives of this feature, essentially).

Down In It

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 23:29:00 +0000

This evening will be the first in nearly a week that I've actually worked on poetry. Both the break and the getting back to it feel necessary and nice--I think that means my writing is in a good place.

I had to shut down my personal resume site and its associated e-mail addresses because spammers had started using it to spoof messages to others, so I was getting hundreds of undeliverable mail notifications per day. I don't really need the resume site at the moment anyway because I'm doing management for the other company full-time, but I'll probably put it back up after that dies down a little. Still, I want to punch a spammer in the eyeball.

Why, Johnny Tyler! The madcap...

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 23:53:00 +0000

Here I am. I got to work out today, which was nice after the bad eating and long driving of the past couple days. I had to drop much of my weightlifting a few months ago because of a shoulder injury that's probably a damaged rotator cuff. I kept playing basketball, though, because it's so enjoyable and because it's great exercise. Now I'm stopping the basketball for a couple months (for other reasons), so I really hope my shoulder will heal up. I definitely don't want to have surgery on it just yet.

These are the days of miracle and wonder

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 20:40:00 +0000

I really shouldn't have posted that last post because now I'm going to look at every one of my posts and categorize it (or, even worse, I'll realize another obvious po-blog category I forgot). Anyway, this is mostly an administrative message to let you know that I'm going to be gone Friday and Saturday as I travel to visit a couple friends. I should be back online Sunday.

I'll leave you with a list of just a few of the lines I'd like to steal for titles in my next (current) project:
Get Your Fucking Shinebox
Golly, I'd Hate to Have a Kid Like Me
How Do You Like Your Blueeyed Boy
I Have a Cunning Plan
Like Nothing Else in Tennessee
Rest Assured the Nest Left You
Sanity Is Not Statistical
There Is No Peace but Scavengers
This Is the World with the Fat Burned Off
You Are Beautiful Inexactly

And ones I'm working on currently:
Gave Me the Number When I Was Young
Burn Thee to the Bare Bane

How to Poetry Blog

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 21:37:00 +0000

Self-promotion
Dashed-off "funny" list
Half-baked draft
Baby and/or pet
Pictures of same
Copyright violation
Link dump
Long, dense poetry theory
Blog war
I quit

My friends' poetry reading
What I ate today
NaPoWriMo #1, #2, #3, ...
Personal revelation (boring or scary)
Self-promotion
Flirt flirt
Internet meme
Rejection
Rejection
Rejection
Acceptance

Sorry I haven't posted for so long
AWP
Trivial one-line bullet points
Self-promotion
Uninteresting non-poetry hobby
Professional jealousy/snark
Poetry
Easy satire

Anti- Featured Poet

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 09:03:00 +0000

The new Anti- featured poet is Jake Adam York. Jake will be up as the main page for the next two weeks. His poetry never ceases to grab me one way or another (or both), and thanks to him for sending it!

You blog folk might be interested to know that the cover photo was by Justin Evans.

While you're here, check out the Anti- editor at Verse Daily!

Draftimental

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 06:51:00 +0000

This is back to my second project, which I may say more about as it develops. I stole the title from Utter by Gina Franco. Not sleeping too well tonight...

Bullet points

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 20:43:00 +0000

Work is dying down a little early today, so here are some updates of minor interest in bullet point form.

I believe I've sent out six journal submissions in the last four days. (Check.) Seven, actually.
Last night I dreamed I was playing basketball with a couple poets (not the poets in my real basketball game). I only remember who one of them was. He's tall in real life too, so at least that fits.
Oh yeah, and there was a 5.2 earthquake last night too. I woke up, barely comprehended what was happening (I realized there was rattling and shaking), then went back to sleep.
We're having a poker night tomorrow. It's been quite a while since I played at all, but our home games are super-casual anyway.
My next expensive purchases will be a high-end laptop computer (I'm traveling a little more these days) and a new pair of glasses. And a passenger side mirror apparatus to replace the one I knocked off my car.
Our neighbor has an adorable new beagle puppy. Its name is Amelia Beagelia.
Recently purchased poetry books: New European Poets, edited by Wayne Miller and Kevin Prufer, and The Wind Shifts, edited by Francisco Aragon.
Recently purchased non-poetry books: The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss and Nazi Literature in the Americas by Roberto Bolano (sorry, can't do the tilde quickly in Blogger).
Draft posted this weekend, I expect. Except I'll also have to take Sunday to announce the new Anti- featured poet. Hmm.
Nachos are calling. Later...

Interim newsbit 2

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 02:59:00 +0000

There's been good news every day this week. Today my e-chapbook 90 Percent of Everything is up at Scantily Clad Press. Go look!

Interim newsbit

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 22:07:00 +0000

This week has been and is crazay bizzay with taxes, poem and manuscript submissions, poem writing, gatherings, chores, preparations for travel, etc., so the posts may be a little skimpy. Today I found out that my poem "Chicago Happened Slowly" has been accepted by Iron Horse Literary Review. Hurrah!

"Well Hello Mr. Fingers"

noreply@blogger.com (Steven D. Schroeder) — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 22:16:00 +0000

"This week Verse Daily offers poems by:
Brenda Shaughnessy
Dana Curtis
Bruce Bond
Richard Jordan
Ron Paul Salutsky
Robert Pesich
Steven D. Schroeder"

So I think that means I'm up on Sunday. I'm pretty sure I know which poem it is, but I won't spoil the surprise.