Sunday, December 07, 2008
13 Facts About William Logan
1. Before every review he writes, William Logan sacrifices a goat and uses its blood as ink.
2. William Logan may be the most hated person in poetry, but he's only the 187,663,130th most hated person in America.
3. William Logan thinks Silliman is the name of a comic book supervillain.
4. Staring at William Logan can melt your face.
5. William Logan likes language, just not the way you use it.
6. William Logan lives in a cave guarded by the goblin queen. If you defeat her in combat, his office hours are 2 to 4 on Wednesday.
7. William Logan once wrote a review of William Logan's poetry that made William Logan cry.
8. William Logan's secret muse is a lop-eared, fluffy bunny.
9. William Logan raises real toads in his imaginary gardens.
10. William Logan and Franz Wright once formed a wrestling tag team called the Ultimate Warrior-Poets until Logan turned on Wright and bashed him over the head with a steel chair.
11. William Logan is eating poetry.
12. If you poke at William Logan with a stick, he puffs up to three times his normal size and shoots poison spines.
13. William Logan is the objective correlative for all the history of grief.
2. William Logan may be the most hated person in poetry, but he's only the 187,663,130th most hated person in America.
3. William Logan thinks Silliman is the name of a comic book supervillain.
4. Staring at William Logan can melt your face.
5. William Logan likes language, just not the way you use it.
6. William Logan lives in a cave guarded by the goblin queen. If you defeat her in combat, his office hours are 2 to 4 on Wednesday.
7. William Logan once wrote a review of William Logan's poetry that made William Logan cry.
8. William Logan's secret muse is a lop-eared, fluffy bunny.
9. William Logan raises real toads in his imaginary gardens.
10. William Logan and Franz Wright once formed a wrestling tag team called the Ultimate Warrior-Poets until Logan turned on Wright and bashed him over the head with a steel chair.
11. William Logan is eating poetry.
12. If you poke at William Logan with a stick, he puffs up to three times his normal size and shoots poison spines.
13. William Logan is the objective correlative for all the history of grief.
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I'm in William Logan's poetry workshop at my university. He read this list to us as a joke for our final class of the year. I have to say, it made us all laugh.
SS:
No chance you spent some time at Shepherd College around 1995-1996, is there? That Clutch mention a few entries ago made me think this is possible.
--CClark
No chance you spent some time at Shepherd College around 1995-1996, is there? That Clutch mention a few entries ago made me think this is possible.
--CClark
Nope, I was at Vanderbilt from 94 to 98. I believe Deb Ager was in a poetry workshop with Neil Fallon, though.
If the language of this list is in any way symptomatic of its author's poetry I can only guess that it is a subconscious pre-emptive strike against some imagined review by its target. Also, I must say, one never hears former students of William Logan complain because they learned a great deal even as their poems were blood-let on the seminar table. And as former students, we pay a price: at a reception when I was at UI, Gerald Stern pinched my cheek the way one would a precocious child, hard, and said, "so you're Billy Logan's student." If it had been elementary school that pinch would have been actionable. Cheers, William!
Three thing about Logan: 1) try reading his poety. find out what the phrase bored to tears means. 2)William Logan would not review a book by William Logan--he only reviews genuine poets, and/or successful poets (two groups he has not succeed in making his way into) I am a perfect example: he never said a word about my work, not for several decades, until I was taken on by Knopf, began appearing regularly in the New Yorker, won the Pulitzer Prize, and so forth.He cannot endure the sight of somebody getting some attention, being taken seriously as a poet. Where was all that incredible malice, those very vicious and personal attacks when I was published with Carnegie-Mellon Press 3) Consider the personal viciousness, the sarcasm, the right-wing talk radio cheap shots--this is the effect of envy on the human mind. (By the way, his hero Donald Justice was extremely supportive of my work, helped me with a blurb which called me "a unique and major talent", something I very much doubt he ever said about little Bill, invited me down to Gainesville to read when he was there--and when I came down, I got into a situation at the hotel where poor Bill, who had not taken care of my bill in advance, was forced to pay it and then seek reimbursement from the U. of FL himself--I am accustomed to having my hotel rooms paid for in advance and was damned if I was going to pay, and didn't have enough money on me anyway. He stood there beside me, very short, and had to take care of this bill. This, and Justice's support--he was also behind a couple lucrative grants and fellowships I won and little Bill has never won--and then the widespread attention I received when I became the first poet to have 3 poems published in a single issue of the New Yorker and received massive attention, then the Prize, for my Knopf books--all this just drove Billie over the edge.
Imagine being William Logan. He has made himself hateful as a way of excusing his absence from anything close to the first rank of contemporary American poets. He can tell himself, I am not taken seriously as a poet because of my brave taking down of successful poets--of course my poem will be excluded from anthologies and never appear in the top journals and of course I will never be invited to any serious reading venue, they all hate me because I expose them, tell the truth about them, right? Wrong. His is a failure as a poet because he writes seriously mediocre and lethally boring poetry. F.W.
Imagine being William Logan. He has made himself hateful as a way of excusing his absence from anything close to the first rank of contemporary American poets. He can tell himself, I am not taken seriously as a poet because of my brave taking down of successful poets--of course my poem will be excluded from anthologies and never appear in the top journals and of course I will never be invited to any serious reading venue, they all hate me because I expose them, tell the truth about them, right? Wrong. His is a failure as a poet because he writes seriously mediocre and lethally boring poetry. F.W.
Ay yi yi. Our gracious resume writer host may be correct: William Logan might have more sense of humor that I do--but I've got more than F.W. His whorish concern about who is paying for the room reminds me of the story of the prostitute who has an orgasm every time but whose tricks never do.
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