Sturgeon's Law

Ophthalmologists. Those dirty sons of bitches. I can barely look at a picture of an eye surgery without getting the heebie jeebies. All that vitreous humor squirting everywhere, ugh! Each time an ophthalmologist is around me, I expect he's going to try to probe around in my eyeball with an eye speculum. Well, if he does, I'll give him a black eye. Even if he doesn't touch them, I can feel the ophthalmologist watching my eyes the whole time, and I just know he's thinking about getting his hands on them. Ophthalmophobia is a bad term for it--I don't fear them, I just hate them. Now, I'm all for wearing contacts, but no sharp objects were meant to go in the eye, ophthalmologists! It's unnatural. If we let you get at our eyes, pretty soon you'll be surgerizing on our gall bladders and our gonads--our gonads! You might even start cutting up dead people. "Organ donors" my ass! And don't even get me started about you people getting married and raising families with your twisted ways. It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Dr. Chris Friedman.