Friday, July 28, 2006
13 Simpsons Lines I Most Enjoy Saying Totally at Random
Yes, I love the Simpsons. Yes, I spew out lines from the show even when the situation doesn't call for it, even when the situation has nothing to do with the line. Here are some of my favorites for that purpose. These aren't by any means a best-of. As always, if I slightly misquote these, sue me. This is how I say them. And yes, I'm weird.
1. "Cat in the furnace."--Homer assimilates and sums up Marge's instructions on how to take care of the house while she's gone
2. "OreGAHno . . . what the hell?"--Marge learns a new spice
3. "Knife goes in, guts come out."--Bart guts a magical fish that wanted to grant him wishes (The fish's "If you spare me, I will grant you three--AHHH" is also hilarious)
4. "It's in Revelations, people!"--news anchor Kent Brockman on anarchy, shortly before a Technical Difficulties graphic appears depicting him with a straitjacket and a cuckoo popping out of his head
5. "Aye, the hot pants."--The sea captain responds to a subordinate's question about his "precious cargo" (runner-up sea captain line: "Ar, that's Handsome Pete. He dances for nickels. . . . Pete! You've got customers!")
6. "It's naht a cahmedy."--Rainier Wolfcastle (the Arnold Schwarzenegger clone) explains his upcoming movie, called Help! My Son Is a Nerd! (Rainier/McBain is probably my favorite minor charater to quote--secondary favorite: "Upon clozer inspection, zese are lohfers," about his own shoes)
7. "Don't blame me. I voted for Kodos."--Homer in a Halloween episode after voting for the losing candidate among two identical despotic aliens.
8. "Yehhhhs . . . (tongue clicking noise) . . . toMORrow."--town drunk Barney, driven mad as a designated driver, promises to return Homer's car
9. "It's all over, people. We haven't got a prayer!"--Reverend Lovejoy sprints along the street shortly before a comet is set to hit Springfield (funniest in his weird accent)
10. "I love the sexy slither of a lady snake."--Guest voice Barry White
11. "It's a ghost car!"--Chief Wiggum after a fleeing car turns off its lights
12. "Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers. I'm learnding!"--Ralph Wiggum to Superintendent Chalmers (Ralph is perhaps the most quoted minor Simpsons character, but it's understandable--also great: "He tells me to burn things," about a leprechaun he imagines)
13. "I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A . . ."--Homer sings to himself as he burns his high school diploma (and the house around it)
Oh man. No Mr. Burns, no Principal Skinner, no Mayor Quimby, no Krusty the Clown. I needed a lot more than 13.
1. "Cat in the furnace."--Homer assimilates and sums up Marge's instructions on how to take care of the house while she's gone
2. "OreGAHno . . . what the hell?"--Marge learns a new spice
3. "Knife goes in, guts come out."--Bart guts a magical fish that wanted to grant him wishes (The fish's "If you spare me, I will grant you three--AHHH" is also hilarious)
4. "It's in Revelations, people!"--news anchor Kent Brockman on anarchy, shortly before a Technical Difficulties graphic appears depicting him with a straitjacket and a cuckoo popping out of his head
5. "Aye, the hot pants."--The sea captain responds to a subordinate's question about his "precious cargo" (runner-up sea captain line: "Ar, that's Handsome Pete. He dances for nickels. . . . Pete! You've got customers!")
6. "It's naht a cahmedy."--Rainier Wolfcastle (the Arnold Schwarzenegger clone) explains his upcoming movie, called Help! My Son Is a Nerd! (Rainier/McBain is probably my favorite minor charater to quote--secondary favorite: "Upon clozer inspection, zese are lohfers," about his own shoes)
7. "Don't blame me. I voted for Kodos."--Homer in a Halloween episode after voting for the losing candidate among two identical despotic aliens.
8. "Yehhhhs . . . (tongue clicking noise) . . . toMORrow."--town drunk Barney, driven mad as a designated driver, promises to return Homer's car
9. "It's all over, people. We haven't got a prayer!"--Reverend Lovejoy sprints along the street shortly before a comet is set to hit Springfield (funniest in his weird accent)
10. "I love the sexy slither of a lady snake."--Guest voice Barry White
11. "It's a ghost car!"--Chief Wiggum after a fleeing car turns off its lights
12. "Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers. I'm learnding!"--Ralph Wiggum to Superintendent Chalmers (Ralph is perhaps the most quoted minor Simpsons character, but it's understandable--also great: "He tells me to burn things," about a leprechaun he imagines)
13. "I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A . . ."--Homer sings to himself as he burns his high school diploma (and the house around it)
Oh man. No Mr. Burns, no Principal Skinner, no Mayor Quimby, no Krusty the Clown. I needed a lot more than 13.
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"Now Nibbles, chew through my ball sack."
I figured that one might make the list, but then again it's not exactly one you can quote in mixed company.
I figured that one might make the list, but then again it's not exactly one you can quote in mixed company.
"If you could kill someone on your way out, that would really help me a lot." Hank Scorpio in "You Only Move Twice" or, conversely, when asked if he had any sugar, and reaching into his pockets...
"Here you go. Sorry it's not in packets."
"Worse than the time we discovered the flesh-eating virus?"
(looks at Grandmpa Simpson chasing a turtle with his teeth.)
"Yes, this is much more annoying"
Scully and Mulder in "The Springfield Files."
"Here you go. Sorry it's not in packets."
"Worse than the time we discovered the flesh-eating virus?"
(looks at Grandmpa Simpson chasing a turtle with his teeth.)
"Yes, this is much more annoying"
Scully and Mulder in "The Springfield Files."
I like most everything that Comic Book Guy says.
Let's see: "No! I am the Collect-OR!"
Or . . . "Worst episode ever."
I love that dude.
Let's see: "No! I am the Collect-OR!"
Or . . . "Worst episode ever."
I love that dude.
I'm hungry and the wolves are after me. (Grandpa.)
Every single line that Moe whispers into the phone when he receives prank calls, my favorite being You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!
The Cape Fear episode, when Sideshow Bob is in court, accused of trying to kill Bart, the lawyer says to him on the stand, But what about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say, "Die Bart, Die?"
Sideshow Bob responds by saying, "No, That's German for, 'The Bart, The." Someone in the courtroom then whispers, "No one who speaks German could be an evil man."
And, finally, Ralph Wiggums: (To a wolf): Will you be my mommy? You smell like dead bunnies.
Every single line that Moe whispers into the phone when he receives prank calls, my favorite being You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!
The Cape Fear episode, when Sideshow Bob is in court, accused of trying to kill Bart, the lawyer says to him on the stand, But what about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say, "Die Bart, Die?"
Sideshow Bob responds by saying, "No, That's German for, 'The Bart, The." Someone in the courtroom then whispers, "No one who speaks German could be an evil man."
And, finally, Ralph Wiggums: (To a wolf): Will you be my mommy? You smell like dead bunnies.
I've contemplated changing my name to Lance Uppercut for some time now... maybe this is my motivation.
I'm paraphrasing on this one because nobody has the exact quote listes that I can find:
"400 dead after a flood in Kuala . . . Kualala lam . . . Kualala . . .France."
Ken Brockman
__________
"So I'm failing English, I'm never gonna go to England."
Homer
__________
After the Ramones play at Mr. Burns' birthday----
Burns: Have the Rolling Stones Killed.
Smithers: But sir, those aren't the---
Burns: Doas I say!!!!
It's just so cool because Burns know they aren't the Rolling Stones, but he knows in all liklihood the Stones are ultimately responsible for the Ramones.
_______________
"Me fail Enlish? That's unpossible."
Ralph Wiggums
_______________
"Everything is coming up Milhouse!"
Milhouse
"400 dead after a flood in Kuala . . . Kualala lam . . . Kualala . . .France."
Ken Brockman
__________
"So I'm failing English, I'm never gonna go to England."
Homer
__________
After the Ramones play at Mr. Burns' birthday----
Burns: Have the Rolling Stones Killed.
Smithers: But sir, those aren't the---
Burns: Doas I say!!!!
It's just so cool because Burns know they aren't the Rolling Stones, but he knows in all liklihood the Stones are ultimately responsible for the Ramones.
_______________
"Me fail Enlish? That's unpossible."
Ralph Wiggums
_______________
"Everything is coming up Milhouse!"
Milhouse
When Apu Nahasapeemapetilon (owner of the Quik-E-Mart) has an affair. He and the woman are having sex in the mop closet and he says, "Oooh. I can tell you have not had 14 children."
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