Sturgeon's Law

Beautiful sounds, esp in the first several stanzas. "Glaciate your aging under glass" is wonderful.

I've been criticized for using the word "memory" in my poetry- and in this poem the notion of memory is so present already (the lack and the presence) so I'm wondering if you might want to find another way to say "the only place we remain is your memory," for what it's worth. The idea of it is great, but it risks sentimentality, I suppose.

You do a great job of blending the big themes, like love and history, with simple details, like groping past the baby's room.

Hope you don't mind the critique- I assume since it is still in a drafting stage, you are open to suggestions.
 

Mackenzie:

Thank you for your suggestion--I'm definitely still open to critique. Interestingly, I'd already removed the line you mention, trying to find a better way to deal with that idea. :-)